Redneck Vernacular

Useless as tits on a boar.

Colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra.

The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving. (Not overly-intelligent.)

Big hat, no cattle. (All talk and no action)

This ain't my first rodeo. (I've done been around awhile.)

He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow. (He has a pretty high opinion of himself.)

They ate supper before they said grace. (Living in sin.)


You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits. (You can say whatever you want about something, but that doesn't change what it is.)

Busier than a three-dicked billy goat.

Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest.

I'm sweating like a whore in church on Sunday

It's hotter than two rats fuckin' in a wool sock in here!

Hot as a whore in a cucumber patch

You can't polish a turd.

That payment is higher'n a giraffe's nuts

He doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

Fartin' in tall cotton - You're talking, but no one's listening.

Some days the sun even shines on a dog's ass - When an idiot stumbles into something good.

Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?

or

Does a bear shit in the woods?

That boys a couple beers short of a 6 pack.

He's queerer than a three dollar bill

Rip its horns off and wipe its ass and serve it up = Rare steak

He could stuff coal up his ass and shit diamonds in two weeks = Thrifty

That (person) is uglier than a bag of smashed assholes.

She's like the town bike, everybody gets a ride.

I gotta piss like a racehorse.

I wouldn't fuck her with your dick and him pushing.

I'm on it like a fat kid on a cupcake.

Runs like a scalded dog.

Toys? Whats the point??

I buy my daughter all kinds of fancy toys with all the bells and whistles. Most cost 50 dollars and up. She blatantly ignores them all. Instead, she'd rather play with crap like plastic bags or network patch cables.

Reading This Boy's Life

Lately, I've had my nose stuck in this book. It's probably the most honest and heart-wrenching piece of writing I've read in awhile. It's as if Wolff has the rare ability to reach deep into his soul, bypassing the filters of conscience, and just let loose:

We listened without objection to the stories of usurped nobility that grew in preposterous intricacy with every telling. But we did not feel as if anything we said was a lie. We both believed that the real lie was told by our present unworthy circumstances.

or

I wrote without heat or hyperbole, in the words my teachers would have used if they had known me as I knew myself. These were their letters. And on the boy who lived in their letters, the splendid phantom who carried all my hopes, it seemed to me I saw, at last, my own face.

or

When we are green, still half-created, we believe that our dreams are rights, that the world is disposed to act in our best interests, and that falling and dying are for quitters. We live on the innocent and monstrous assurance that we alone, of all the people ever born, have a special arrangment whereby we will be allowed to stay green forever.

Just Plain Weird

Ok so I posted earlier about the odd encounter at Boudin's this morning.

It seems that was only the beginning...

At the office today I had two instances in which women, although not smokin' like the one at Boudin's, were strangely flirting with me and staring at me like a fatass would stare at a juicy pork chop. I figured it was just my overactive imagination fucking with me.

Same thing on the BART ride home. I felt as if I was magnetic. Bitches just could not take their eyes off me. Seriously, what the fuck?

When I got home, while I was biting into some salmon, my wife stares at me ia similar manner. She even seductively whispers something about what's going to happen after we put the baby to bed. I just shrug off the comment figuring she just wants some action since I didn't give her any last night.

Then she said it: "You know, you look really good in that shirt".

Ahh.. it all makes sense now. It's the fucking new shirt. I've been transformed into Magic Don Juan because of the shirt.

What's even weirder is question of why? The shirt is a very nondescript Izod flannel. Not Izod Lacoste with the aligator but just plain ol' Izod. It does not in any way accentuate my chiseled physique nor is it even designed to. I bought it at Macy's a couple weeks ago because I saw it on sale for around $20 and I felt I needed a nondescript comfortable flannel shirt.

Like i said... Weird.

Macked On

It's funny how drastically things have changed.

During my years in high school and for some time in college I possessed no game at all with the ladies. No game was my game. As long as I maintained my looks and kept myself within the circle of cool people getting laid never took much effort. I never approached women--they approached me. Altough I was born an alpha male, these factors tamed my alpha-like tendencies (until I got her into the bedroom of course).

Then things changed. As I got older fewer and fewer woman played the role of aggressor, popular social circles I was a part of dispersed after college, and honestly, I think that as women age their desire for more alpha males increases as well.

That's when I naturally began to pick up what I possess this day: top shelf mutha fuckin' game.

What's funny though is my game still is vulnerable. And what's funnier is that it's now vulnerable to something that it used to be totally comfortable with: agreessive women.

Case in point...

Today, on my way to work I stopped at Boudin's to grab a sandwich. I walk in and immediately see two women at their own registers staring at me. One is a new young hottie I've been involuntarily gawking at my past few visits. The other, well.. the other one doesn't matter. I'm sort of in a rush as I need to be on a conference call with the big boss in 20 minutes and I needed to figure out what to order quickly. I was clearly focused only on accomplishing these two goals.

The cutie, with a flirtatious twinkle in her eye, blurts out what she thinks my name is (they usually ask for it when you place an order) and she's right. Her friend, who has taken my order a countless number of times, luckily backs off.

I walk up to her register and start ordering blah blah blah. The chick is cracking some lame jokes and bombarding me with questions about where I work and complimenting me on my hair. And then it dawns on me--this chick is trying to spit game at me. The game is weak and reveals her adolescence but it affects me by effectively reducing my game to zero. I stand there trying to flirt back but I can't. I'm frozen. I somehow manage to get her name and finally say bye. As I walk off I sense her embarrassment.

What the fuck??

Granted I was mentally preoccupied and pretty SF women just don't usually try to pick up guys at 10am in sandwich shops but damn, I there is no excuse for freezing like that. If she had tried to spit game like that at a bar or club I would've kiss or fuck closed her within an hour or two.

Fantasy Football Drama

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The Prescient 8-Ball

Management has filtered down some info that we may be reorg'd again come January and that we should in effect, brace ourselves. I guess it's typical for company of this monstrosity. After all, we received the same warning two years ago. At least last time they flew us to Tempe and got us drunk first.

Because I am a complete xenophobe when it comes to my future I consulted my trusty all-knowing 8ball.

Me: "Am I getting laid off?"

8ball: "It is certain."

Me: (Shocked) "Are you sure?"

8ball: "Without a doubt."

Me: "Man, fuck you. How about best out of 5"

8ball: "As I see it, yes."

Oh well. There you have it. If it does happen I'm 100% sure its for the best this time. A year's worth of severance won't hurt either. Or maybe Mr. 8ball is just busting my balls.

Who knows.

But one thing's for sure, this time around, I'm going to do my best to not give a shit.

Books I've Been Reading

Even with a tenacious little rugrat tearing up shit and an overwhelming work schedule I've somehow found a lot of time to read. Here's a list of what I've consumed lately:

(in no particular order)

The Red Queen - Matt Ridley
Ugly Americans - Ben Mezrich
Liar's Poker - Michael Lewis
Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk
The Art of Deception - Kevin Mitnick
The Hound of the Baskervilles - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs - Chuck Klosterman
The Game - Neil Strauss
The Autobiography of Malcolm X - Alex Haley

Next in the queue:
Old School - Tobias Wolff
This Boy's Life - Tobias Wolff
The Rum Diary - Hunter S. Thompson
Knowledge and Decisions - Thomas Sowell
Zero-Day Exploit - Rob Shein
Against the Gods - Peter L. Bernstein

Confidence Notes

You know that zone people like Michael Jordan and Anthony Robbins preach about? That elusive zone, that when you are in it you can do no wrong?

Yeah that zone.

Some believe techniques such as hypnosis or NLP can help you enter that zone and/or extend your periods of staying in that zone. But I'm just not concerned with it. At least not right now.

I'm interested in the main component necessary to get in and stay in that zone: Confidence.

Now don't get me wrong, If you have hung out with me you would know I don't suffer from lack of confidence at all. But I believe if I could take my confidence to another level the results could be immeasurably off-the-fuckin-charts professionally as well as socially. That's why it's become and interest of mine and it's why I want to deconstruct it.

Like Tucker Max has mentioned in his advice board, confidence poses a chicken and egg dilemma: Confidence comes from achievement but achievment comes from confidence. The key is getting into this progressive loop.

How can you be confident? That's like asking how you can be creative. There is no definitive answer. Confidence comes from within, comes from an understanding and acceptance of who you are and a belief in yourself and your abilities. If you have nothing good about yourself to believe in, then find something or do something that can give you that belief. Seriously--develop a skill or talent that you are proud of. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING flows from your inner self. It is the foundation that all game is built upon.

He really nails it here. People who just go about reverse engineering tactics of overly confident people completely miss the point and many times it comes back to bite them when they run out of material to emulate. This is clearly evident in the book The Game by Neil Strauss. The self-proclaimed pickup artists and wannabe alphas crashed and burned when there wasn't anything left in their tanks. I believe this 100%. Confidence truly comes from within.

Neil Strauss himself touches on this himself when discussing two of the "biggest mistakes" one can make in terms of seduction (altough I think it can be applied outside that field as well). These two mistakes are

Just be yourself

and

Be confident

In some dood named Thundercat's words:

He explained that you shouldn’t just “be yourself,” you should be your best self. He elaborated that who we are is often a poor representation of who we really are or who we want to be.

He also said that just “being confident” is impossible without success. Success breeds confidence, and he wants to teach how to have success so his students can gain REAL confidence.

Gym Stuff - Zigzag Diet

I need to post this or I'll forget it:

Revolutionary Idea

Yes, I read Tucker Max's material. And yes, that's an understatement.

Today I read post by him that I find absolutely intriguing and completely falls into what I've been wanting to achieve my whole life (although I've never been able to communicate it).

On Social Movements:

It's not my drinking and my fornicating and my writing that is what is ultimately so compelling about me--it is that I refuse to accept other peoples limitations on my life and I actively pursue my own personal satisfaction. This is a revolutionary idea and approach to life, if you really stop to think about it.
--Tucker Max

Imagine being able to recreate the world around you by simplying doing whatever it is you want to do, while somehow being a positive influence in that world.